I hate it when people leave. When they can just walk away. When the personality, the person that they really are, is ripped out of my life. I'm not talking strictly death. I'm talking loss. Which is a different beast. Breaking up...with a friend, a lover, a stranger who made you smile... All of it leaves a mark... Each one very distinct. No matter how small. I hate the feeling that things are not simply what they seem. The veils that we are all so used to wearing, that make us all strangers to one another. I wish our veils could be removed. I can envision myself walking through life, ripping veils off of unwitting passersby. Surprise! I would say, and every face would tell me exactly who I was talking to... without agenda or pretense or lies. I just wish our faces reflected who we really were... and not who others wanted us to be. Who we wanted to be... for others. I don't mean I want to know the contents of your soul. I don't even want to know the contents of your thoughts in the moment. I just want to look at you and be able to see who you are. It's so complicated. I want it all I guess. The truth, the lies. The hidden little quirks and the mysteries. Can I look at you and see your naked self... without, you know... seeing your naked self? Maybe every word of this is more reflective of what I do... who I am, than it is of whoever is reading. Maybe everyone else really is showing me who they are... maybe I've just refused to really look. I wish I could say exactly what I feel. Without fear, without regret. Don't get it twisted; I say plenty of very honest things. But so often, too often, I want to say something that will make people think and I feel that I can't. At least not without concealing it in humor. While I love to make people laugh, I really wish that people could see how amazing everything is. Not sweet, not nice, just how amazing... without the sting of cynicism. Even when I know that the world is handing people harsh realities and bitter unkindness the mere function of it all is this amazing thing.I consider myself a person of faith. I do. I know what it means to sit at the feet of something greater than you and cry... because I know my place... because I don't know it at all. Even when I can't find the fit. I belong in this bizarre and jumbled mess. I do. Not because I have found my place, but more because I haven't. I'm not sure that I believe in destiny... mostly because I firmly believe in choice, responsibility, and thoughtfulness. But I do know that I believe in what I can't see... and hopefully I am doing it justice.