When the words build up
And I’m choked on the thoughts in my own mind
When I’m scared to speak
Because the words aren’t enough
And too much
When tears slide down my cheeks
And my mascara smears the cream of my pillow case
I drown in thoughts of you

Of the way you were a stranger
And forever a thread in the fabric of who I have become
When I dream of you
Because to forget you
Is too much to bear

When my love
And hate
And the need to forgive
And the unending confusion
Intertwine with every thought
And I am lost in where you end
And where you begin in me
My heart
The person I am

The days feed upon themselves
As I watch from outside of who I am
And see
That words don’t say it correctly
The words are too much
And at once
Never enough
When I’m dying to forget
And yearning to remember

You broke my heart by living
And ripped into my soul when you died
Strangled
And singing
A panic moment of relief
And sorrow
And fear
And joy
And shame

I wonder if I will ever feel right
About loving you
When you are the one person
I best know how to hate.
I miss you
But don’t want you back