So... he died

I started talking about having a blog like a thousand years ago... okay like two years ago. I thought that it would be a great way to write something and let people read it, without the fear of publisher rejection.... but I wanted the best blog, the blog that would look all other blogs in the face and make them feel an overwhelming sense of dejection. I wanted to be the head cheerleader of blogs... But I was a drama kid. I stole the attention from the room by overtalking, over gesturing and outwitting the competition.

Turns out that neither option will work... Cause no matter where I am, there is always a blog who can look at my blog and say- ummm no. It's the blogerary version of a bitch slap... and it never stops stinging.

But in all seriousness, I needed a place to build up a comfort level with the thoughts in my own head. I place that wasn't a journal that I would hide away from the world... the way I lock up my goals simply because I am afraid to fail.

So, why after the two plus years of writing did I finally decide to start my blog... well, my dad died. And there is a whole story of disconnection and hurt and unrealized dreams for the future of our relationship that is wrapped up in that piece of reality. But all I am left with now is half of a lifetimes worth of animosity and confusion wrapped in a bundle of... me.

Do you feel a little awkward about laughing at me now other blogs? With your fancy backgrounds and cool linking functions? Don't... cause this blog needs to be kind of plain. I think I need to get comfortable with the notion of who I am, instead of who I always thought I was going to be...

However if you are reading this and you have any tips for improving on the mundane functionality, I'm all ears.